is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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