just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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