I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
