Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My vagina is officially offended.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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