Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
