he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
