Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
