you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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