He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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