If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
