I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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