I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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