Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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