OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
