Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize