I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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