Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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