Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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