The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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