is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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