i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
