At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Boobs speak an international language.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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