im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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