you guys were way drunker than both of me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
