I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
