i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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