In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
