Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
