just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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