i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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