I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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