Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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