omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
