Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
