I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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