We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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