so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
