Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
