its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
