areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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