So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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