The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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