i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
