nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
