She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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