I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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