im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
