you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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