What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
