A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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