There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
