so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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