yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
