The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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