Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
