apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
