im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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