Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
